Hey! Why I have very few friends is something even my husband wonders about. One time, we bumped into a couple of my old schoolmates, and he genuinely looked shocked. “Eh, ada kawan rupanya,” he said. Thank you, my husband. I, too, am surprised when people remember me voluntarily. HAHAHA. Well, I’ve had a long, colourful, traumatised history with these so-called friends. It started early, and it shaped the way I see friendships today.
Childhood Friendships That Weren’t Really Friendships
The first strike happened when I trusted someone with a legit secret. Not even a day passed, the whole thing became a joke, and I became the punchline. That was the beginning of my friendship trauma starter pack. Furthermore, I used to be the “sisterhood is everything” kind of friend. If you were my friend, your rivals were mine. I stood up for people so fiercely, you’d think I was paid to do it. Then suddenly, I became the villain. And those same “rivals”? They became besties. The math was very mathing… against me. Bongok.
Success Attracts People. Until They Succeed Too.
Some people would reappear the moment they saw me achieve something. “How did you do it? Can you teach me?” I’d help. Of course I’d help. Liyana kan. Such a sweet and loving person. HAHAHAHA. Once they achieved the same thing…POOF! Gone. Not even a thank you. Mesej tanya khabar pun tak. Friendship expired instantly like a voucher code.
And then there’s the other kind. The ones who pull you into their “life-changing business opportunity.” They hype you up, promise to guide you, and make it sound like you’ll grow together. So I joined, put in the effort, and showed up excited. But the moment I hit a tiny roadblock… silence. No guidance. No check-ins. Not even a “kau okay tak?” Just ghosted, like I was only useful as long as I made their business look good. Funny how some people don’t actually want to grow with you. They just want to use your spark as their starter pack, then disappear the second you need support.
The Ones Who Seemed Nice… Until I Needed Something Small
Then there were the ones I thought were easy-going, kind, and harmless. But even a 30-second survey (contoh, jangan terasa) was too much for them. It wasn’t money and effort. It definitely wasn’t life-threatening either. Still, I had to beg few times for them to do so.
And the best part? I once had a “friend” who called me very nice, texted me for hours just to unload her problems, and I listened like a free 24/7 support line. Then, suddenly, I saw her posting her “best friends” on her status, with other people. Not even a single “thank you, Liyana, for being my friend, listening to my rants”. So what was I? A free WhatsApp counsellor with a limited-time promo?
It was then I realised… maybe they weren’t friends. Maybe they were just people who found me convenient. Go die lah kau. HAHAHAHAHA.
I’m Not the Perfect Friend Either
I’m not claiming I’m the best friend in the world. I don’t check in every day. I don’t cling and chase because I won’t like it if others do it to me. LOL. But if you’ve ever treated me with sincerity, kindness, or basic human decency, I will remember you forever. Whatever good others have done for me, I will never forget.
Sometimes, the people I least expect end up helping me the most. Not the loud ones. Not the long-term ones. But the surprising ones. And it’s both weird and comforting at the same time.
Healing, Slowly. Trusting, Carefully.
So begitulah. Banyak lagi pengalaman pahit, but tak done nak cerita here.
To be honest, the habit is still there. I still trust easily, and I still assume people are my friends. But now, the hurt is less. Maybe because my expectations are lower, or maybe because I’ve grown. Either way, I’m grateful for the few who stayed. They’re the reason why I have very few friends, but still feel like I have enough. Thanks, thanks, thanks.
And if you’ve made it this far into my emotional TED Talk, thank you. If you want to support my writing (or just buy me a symbolic cup of kopi), you can visit my Ko-fi page at https://ko-fi.com/nlymr. Thanks for reading!