Shaming isn’t always loud. Sometimes it comes wrapped in a joke, served with a smile. I’ve been shamed for a lot of things…my weight, my skin, my grey hair. And as much as I’ve grown from it, some things still sting. This isn’t a pity post. This is me taking back my voice. This is me saying: healing doesn’t mean pretending it didn’t happen. It means honouring your scars while choosing to grow anyway.
The Words I Still Remember
I can still hear them. In school, a “friend” pointed at my acne and said, “You should get that checked.” Another time, someone laughed out loud and said I looked “fat”, right in front of others.
I used to be bubbly. Expressive. Open. But after a while, I shrank, emotionally. I started hiding, second-guessing, and dimming myself. Now, when I choose quiet over conversations, people say I’ve “changed”. That I’ve become cold, and not socialable. But no one asks why. The truth? I’m just protecting myself from comments, judgment, and also from wounds I’ve already had to carry once too many times.
I still get comments. “Eh makin berisi sekarang ya.” “Uban banyak gila… dah tua ke?” And yes, some of them still hurt. But they don’t own me the way they used to. Because now I know: My body isn’t up for discussion, my grey hair doesn’t make me less feminine, and my silence isn’t coldness…it’s armour.
Why Do They Shame So Easily?
Sometimes I wonder. How do they do it? How do people look you in the eye and say something so mean in front of others, like you’re not even human? Maybe they think it’s funny, that’s how they were raised, or belittling others is how they feel seen. But here’s what I’ve learned: Just because they say it out loud, doesn’t mean it’s true. Just because people laugh, doesn’t mean it’s okay. Just because it happened in public doesn’t mean you should be the one who feels ashamed.
How I Cope (Now)
Here’s what’s helped me:
1. It’s not about me: Most people who shame others are projecting. What they say reveals more about them than me.
2. Not everything needs a comeback: I don’t fight every comment anymore. Sometimes silence is stronger than shouting. Walking away is its own kind of victory.
3. Curate a gentler world: I clean up my feed. I talk to people who make space for honesty, not sarcasm. I surround myself with softness, not sharp edges.
4. Give it time: Some words still echo. Especially the old ones. That doesn’t make me weak. That makes me real.
Now, I’m still the same girl, just older. A bit softer, and a lot more cautious. If I keep to myself these days, it’s not bitterness. It’s protection. Because I’ve been laughed at in public and had my flaws turned into punchlines. And now? I’m just learning to love myself as I am.
When Shaming Crosses The Line
For the longest time, we were told to “just ignore it” and “don’t be too sensitive.” But guess what? Some forms of shaming are actually reportable in Malaysia. According to mingguanwanita.my, you can lodge a police report if someone does this:
1. Verbal abuse : Insults, slurs, shouting, or constant put-downs.
2. “Jokes” that humiliate: Mocking your body, gender, mental health, age, or appearance, even in “subtle” ways.
3. Emotional manipulation: Passive threats, gossiping, bullying, exclusion, or sabotaging your peace.
4. Sexual harassment: Unwanted words, jokes, gestures, or touch.
5. Cyberbullying/doxing: Sharing your private info (phone number, photos, address) without permission.
So no, you’re not “dramatic”. You’re not “overthinking”. You just… have the right to speak up. Honestly aku pun baru tau. Memang ramai dalam list aku. LOL
Last But Not Least
If you’ve ever been shamed, you didn’t deserve it, and you’re allowed to draw your own lines, walk away, and protect your peace. I’m still learning how to stand tall after being bent for so long. Some days I feel strong. Other days, the old voices creep back in. But the difference now? I no longer let those voices lead.
To anyone who’s ever been made to feel small: Your softness is not weakness, your boundaries are not rudeness. And your quiet survival? That’s a strength most people will never understand. Let’s talk about shaming more often, not to give it power, but to take ours back.
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